Sebatas Rindu

Kerinduan merayap,

perlahan menguasai hati dan pikiranku.
Malam ini ia mengaum lebih dahsyat dari sebelumnya.
Sanggupkah aku menghalaunya?
Sungguh aku tak tau.

Rindu yang berakar dari rasa kasih dan sayang.
Acap kali menggelitik kalbu tanpa pandang bulu.
Tanpa mengenal dimensi ruang dan waktu.
Dengan lihainya ia membius, menyandera alam bawah sadarku.
Aku terjepit di antara harapan dan kenyataan.
Bermain diantara masa depan dan kenangan.
Aku limbung, I lost my way

Cinta dan pengorbanan
Harapan dan kenangan
Kejujuran dan penyangkalan
Tak satu pun dapat kupahami.
Tak satu pun ingin kumengerti.

Dimanakah harus kusandarkan keyakinanku?
jika janji yang pernah terucap tak lagi diingat.

Haruskah aku menanti bila ia tak kan pernah kembali?
Atau..Kuatkah aku berlari seperti yang kuingini??
Sementara hatiku berkata lirih, “aku akan tetap di sini”.

Suki Desu!

I just woke up this morning.

As usual, it becomes the moment of truth in my life.

That’s how I call it.

Time when any single repressed emotions shows up.

So clear, pure, and honest.

The voice of my deepest heart.

As the Sun rising,

As the time passing by,

As any bad times I’ve been through,

And so many challenges I’ve conquered.

I’m rising up once again.

Like I always say,

There is a trade-off for every choice

There is a consequence for every decision

I made it.

As I’m moving on, faster

You are fading.

I can’t help it.

For all the tears came out.

For every pain I felt.

That’s all paid off.

Now, I’m telling you baby

I don’t hate you nor love you.

I just don’t feel for you

In other words, I’m getting over you^^

*yiiiiiiiiihaaaaaaaaaaa

Jogja, early sunny morning in October 2010

Gombalisme :p

If only tears could redeem this longing

I would cry all night long

Till my pains are washed away as I fall asleep

And when I wake up, I’ll remember it as a nightmare

If only words could explain everything

I wouldn’t need to break my heart

Since I will run into you

And say those magical words out loud

Set me free from the spell I’m under

No more pains

No more a huge hole for keeping the love inside

If only I had guts to admit it

I wouldn’t need to stay up late

Wishing and thinking bout you

Like you are the only gravity

If only I had choices

I wouldn’t hate myself for being a foolish

Couldn’t decide between two simply paths

A path pulls me away from this pain

Others lead me nowhere, just stay

Even if I don’t know what I’m waiting for

If only I could just disappeared

It would be lovely

Hehehehehehe

My Pray

I understood, you had your own considerations.

Whatever it was, I respected it.

I fully accepted your final decision.

All I have been doing is to help you.

I’m glad you drive your own life.

I only ask one thing.

Please be true.

Please take care of yourself,

and be happy.

(additional requirements, hehe)

Although I can’t be there anytime you feel vulnerable,

Remember that my pray will always be with you.

***

xoxo dear friends

Fear

The records are keep playing on my mind

Scene to scene

Moving so fast

Showing my stupidity in a chaos

My desperation was clearly stated

I was obviously confused

I was totally lost

With nobody could be trusted

Everyone’s sight seen liked a big lie to me

They all looked like the players in a wicked comedy of life

They all were evils in disguise

Thus, that place was simply liked a stage of their show

and I was the one who had been fooled

The more I try to play back every single details,

the more I stuck in a deep hole of hesitation

Tears streamed down on my face

No, I couldn’t fake it

I was full of fears

I stared at them, asking for help

Nobody gave their hand to help

I shouted

Nobody heard

Everyone agreed to be deaf only for that moment

I struggled on my own

An amazing coordinated crime

What a show!

Surprised surprised!

The man who should protect me,

he could only asked lots of sh*t questions over and over again-

for God dam*ed two hours.

HELL-OOO what was that all about??

Was it a joke for you, sir????

‘Oh, it’s just another case. Report it to us and enjoy your adversity’

That was what written on your face!

and the best scene was when I walked home alone

Convinced myself that it wasn’t a bad dream

It was real, it’s gone

Could it be worse??

A million pictures of my carelessness repeated on my mind, again and again

then a guilty feeling stroke me along way home

Led me to insanity

Slapped me once again by painful of losing

*I’m sorry mom & dad*

Name it whatever you like: 2nd edition

Love is a simple thing, isn’t it?

Unless you turn it into a complicated one.

Well, I bet you are good on that

I dare you to find a million reasons to reject it

But you would end up the same

Yeah, you are still in love

Love comes in silence

Without any announcement nor appointment

Even worse, it doesn’t ask for your agreement

It surprised you with so many tastes

Bitter

Sweet

Both

Or a completely a new one

Which you can’t name it

Just be brave to taste it

‘Cause man, you are stuck in love

***

Love could take any form of status

It doesn’t care ’bout common rules

This mischievous thing makes its own rules

Beyond any logic or sense

and who can break it??

Everyone seems subject to it

Love is a feeling, not a status

People may name it

People may not

It doesn’t care anyway

It doesn’t need it

Just name it whatever you like

So why do you put yourself in such a trouble?

Questioned something unnecessarily

Release your feeling

Let it flows out

And love would find its own name

– REGARDLESS OF THE NAME GIVEN, LOVE IS LOVE –

illusi

Ketika mimpi, cinta, dan realita berlalu begitu cepat tanpa sempat kitagenggam.

Semua terasa bagaikan sebuah ilusi.

Bayangan fatamorgana,

yang tak pernah cukup waktu bagi ku untuk mendekapnya.

Memahaminya.

Atau bahkan sekedar mengaguminya.

Terdiam.

Membisu.

Hampa.

Tanpa kata.

tatkala semuanya sirna, menguap..mengudara..

Hanya ditemani desiran angin yang berpacu bersama detak jantung.

Menghanyutkan seluruh isi hati.

Perasaan.

Rasa, yang tak bernama, tak bertuan.

Namun ia ada, tepat di dasar sana.

Menyesakkan.

Terlalu pahit melepas semua mimpi, cita, dan cinta.

Memasrahkannya pada realita yang tak pernah kita nyana.

Ah, baru aku menyadari sakitnya sebuah kehampaan.

Kebisuan yang tercipta sebagai cermin kerapuhan.

Pilunya sebuah perpisahan berselimut kegagalan.

Asa ku pun menyublim bersama waktu.

Seiring dengan pudarnya harapan yang pernah ku rangkai.

dan doa yang pernah ku ucap serasa tak lagi bernyawa.

Ia mati bersama dengan waktu.

when you try your best but you don’t succeed

when you get what you want but not what you need

when you feel so tired but you can’t sleep

stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down on your face

when you lose something you can’t replace

when you love someone but it goes to waste

could it be worse?

lights will guide u home

and ignite your bones

and I will try to fix you

a Play

Life is like a play
Our story was just a scene of millions other scenes
We have a scenario written
And a great Director whom should be obeyed

***

All night long, I was wondering
Why did you come into my life
And then easily walked away

Easily caught my heart
Ruined my dreams
Persuaded me to taste a poison what people called LOVE
And then left me dying

Didn’t realize what you gave to me
Either a beautiful image or a beautiful lie
Didn’t know whether you are an angel or an evil
It wasn’t bothered me somehow
Cause I believed in you

But one more time, you proved me that I was wrong
I know nothing
I felt something that I believed as true
But it was a big lie
You left me at last
Kept me trying to heal the pain on my own

But supposed,
I should thank to you for the immune I owed

***

Love is like a game
You played it so beautifully
I could hardly believe it was a fake
I’m the only foolish here
It’s like a big joke for you, huh?
LOL

Now let me laughed for my stupidity
Let me fooled myself with some beautiful silly hopes
Amused myself with so many thoughts of you
And finally picked up my broken string
Bunched it as one-cracked-heart

Oh, well done
You are a real player
Standing applause *plok plok plok

But wait, time’s up
The show is over

Name it whatever you like :)

Love is a simple thing, isn’t it?
Unless you turn it into a complicated one

I dare you to find a million reasons to reject it
But it would end up the same
You are still in love

It comes in silence
Surprise you with so many tastes
Bitter
Sweet
Both
Or something which completely a new one
That you can’t simply explain
You can’t named it
All you need to do is FEEL it
Be brave to taste it

***

Love is a simple thing
It could take any form of status
It doesn’t care about the name
It doesn’t even need a name
Just named it whatever you like
You would still feel the same

So, Why do you put yourself in a trouble? 
Questioned something unnecessarily
Release your feelings
Say it out loud
Let love finds its own name

LOVE would taste the same regardless of the name given

Untitled

U made me stop even before I get started.
The ending is already known
Even before we begin
I’ll bury this feeling deep down
Therefore, no one will know
No one needs to know
No one..Including you.

***

A secret has revealed.
Feeling of getting hurt covered by joy that come along with it
The uncertainty is over
And so does the love that I’ve made for you
It’s fading from now on
I hope,
When it comes the time for me to be in love
I’ll find the right heart to be my shelter
Maybe it’s not yours
Maybe we are not made to be
Maybe it’s just me 🙂